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Idag skulle min älskade Gammelkatta - Veidals Belladonna, alias Skuttan - ha fyllt 14 år. Så här skrev jag den 26 januari i år:

Skuttan died today. I got the bloodtest back from her vet Katarina monday and it wasn't diabetes which was the only thing that we could have done something about. Skuttan had lost so much in weight these last couple of weeks and could hardly walk from the pain in her legs. This last week she couldn't keep anything down and the last three days or so she didn't eat at all. She just slept under the blanket in my bed. So Katarina and I decided the best thing for her would be to be put to sleep. But, Skuttan will always be Skuttan and believe it or not, she beat us to it. I had an appointment with Katarina this afternoon and since yesterday Skuttan got a lot worse. Last night when I sat down with her for some quality time after Noah and Mina were asleep she tried to crawl up on my lap and failed. She just looked at me and then on my lap and then back up at me as if to tell me to help her. So I did and she spent a couple of hours there purring and "talking". Yes, Skuttan was quite good at that, answering me when I talked to her. This morning and also during the kids nap we had a nice quiet time. I seriously doubt she ever was in any pain apart from the ache in her legs when she walked. Which she didn't do much in the last few weeks. When I got to the clinic I had her wrapped up in a soft blanket and was waiting in the reception area (special one for cats only) when she suddenly stretched out her front paws towards my face and looked at me. Then she started to cough. At least that's what it sounded like but in fact it was her heart giving up. She sighed a few times and let out a sort of quiet cry. She then sighed again and she was gone. It only took a minute or so. Katarina came and rushed her into her examination room and listened to her heart which was still beating weakly but it only took another minute until it stopped. So Skuttan, as the very determined old cat lady as she was, did things her own way. Like she always had done. She wouldn't be Skuttan otherwise I suppose. But at least she wasn't in any pain and I got to be with her when the end came. For that I will always be grateful.

Right now the house is really quiet and empty. Vanilla and JamJam are unusually calm. Vanilla has been walking around, calling for Skuttan earlier this evening though. (She's done the same when Skuttan has been away to the vet before.) I think both of them realized what was going on. JamJam lied down in front of Skuttan last night and looked at her with this strange, almost searching, look on her face and then she looked at me for a long long time and then back at Skuttan. She's never studied Skuttan like that before. And Vanilla hasn't left Skuttan's side for days. She's spent all of her time fuzzing over Skuttan and lying as close to her as possible. I think she's the one that will miss Skuttan the most of the two cats that I have left now. Skuttan was, after all, her adopted mother. Right now she's lying on the spot in the bed where Skuttan spent most of her last week, sniffing one of the blankets that are still there.